It’s Okay to Mourn.

Nathan & Emily at the State FairI’m here in my church office, listening to Akron/Family’s newest album after a busy morning and a beautiful memorial service for a dear friend.

And as I am thinking, I got to say to this – especially to us guys – it’s okay to mourn.

Grief (from dictionary.com) means “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.”

Grief is big and broad. It includes life changes – like new jobs, moves, relationships, church families, and so on. But it also includes death and dying, which is what we most naturally think of when we think about grief.

When my wife and I moved from DC to Dallas, we grieved for a while. Dallas is a great city, but DC is also a great place. We left behind friends, familiar roles, favorite restaurants, and warm memories. Dallas required us to start over. There is some joy in that, starting over and all, but it’s tough too. It took us a while to find some new favorites and new friends… and hey, it’s still ongoing.

In other words, we grieved.

Sometimes, in life, we assign grieving to just funerals and so on, forgetting that it’s bigger. And sometimes, we don’t even allow ourselves to grieve at the loss of loved ones. We say things like, “they are in a better place now.” Or “God needed another angel.” Or “it was God’s plan.” Personally, I understand what people are trying to say when they say those things, but it’s not always helpful.

It’s okay to grieve, to cry, to lament, to weep, to experience the flow of emotions (which can include joy and laughter), and to not get over it quickly.

It’s okay to mourn.

This Sunday, my message is going to be about death & dying, how we have permission to lament the loss of loved ones in our lives, even if it means getting angry at God. For a sneak peek, check out the Mourner’s Bill of Rights. Is there anything in there that surprises you? Do you agree with it? Have you followed it in your life? Why or why not?

- Nathan

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About Nathan

writer, singer, songwriter, theologian, father, and friend in Dallas, TX - read more about Nathan's work at tabledallas.org View all posts by Nathan

2 responses to “It’s Okay to Mourn.

  • Julie

    Nathan, much mourning going on in Frederick in our family. We miss Mom so much. But at the same time, we feel a real need to celebrate her release and the life she DID lead. She touched so many young kids lives through the years and I wonder if she ever knew the impact she had on so many. What big shoes she left for us to fill. I shall always miss my mother…my kids will always miss their Granny. But we are so blessed to have had her in our lives. Angry at God? Yes…not for taking her, but for allowing such a disease as dementia to still not have a cure.

  • nathanjhill

    I have been thinking about you and the family a lot… and how cool your mom was. She was the model of hospitality to many. I count it a blessing too to have crossed paths with her and be a recipient of that graciousness and warmth.

    Glad you feel the space to mourn – thank you for sharing.

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