I’m not sure if people are lonelier than ever before.

Some research, like this 2006 study in the American Sociological Review mentioned at Christianity Today, indicates so.

As of 2004, the average American had just two close friends, compared with three in 1985. Those reporting no confidants at all jumped from 10 percent to 25 percent. Even the share of Americans reporting a healthy circle of four or five friends had plunged from 33 percent to just over 15 percent.

While we are a few years out from 2006 now, I wonder whether such research might hold true. Certainly with the emergence of social networking, people can take networks with them more easily than ever before. You can move to a new place and still remain up to date with your friends and family all around the world. And if you only plan on being somewhere for a short time, why bother at all developing another network that you will leave behind?

For my wife and I, moving to Dallas was an exciting and lonely process. We left behind a great group of friends and extended support, as well as favorite restaurants, grocery stores, hangouts, and so on. It took a while for us to warm up to Dallas, to find places and people to call our own. For just about anybody, a move invites this blank slate of opportunity which can take a lot of time to work through and make it something worthy of being called “home”.

The Christianity Today articles goes on to say this in response and reflection:

To draw our culture to Christ, evangelical churches spend enormous amounts of money on slick marketing materials, enormous amounts of creative energy crafting “authentic” worship, and enormous amounts of intellectual capital on postmodernizing the faith. We’re not convinced these strategies get to the heart of our cultural malaise.

Indeed, if there is a kind of community that can offer a sense of belonging, ideally it is church — but even church can be a lonely place. My wife and I know this from numerous experiences of being outsiders. I know this serving as a pastor where some folks at the periphery of our community can easily be forgotten. Even in church, it can take a lot of initiative and patience to break down walls and finally be considered “in”.

And while attending a big worship service can be helpful, it may not really fulfill that deeper need of connection and support that we all seek.

I suppose I believe that everyone craves community, and I make the case every Sunday morning that there is always enough room around the table. The real challenge is putting that to practice more deeply beyond our church walls – not trying to convince others that church is a family that you need to belong to (or else?) – but living so as to reveal the good news that we all are part of God’s family, whether we come to church, love Jesus, or… not.